I want blogging to be a new form of meditation for myself..(YAY!I have completed a sentence without backspacing and attempting to start over!).
For the past month I have been quite zealous about healing process, clearing of my skin, ,being assertive ,looking better, making money,saving money,being skinny,perfecting my diet, trying to make Dan take care of himself and just loosing my mind in the process.
I have put so much energy into self improvement that i have not taken the time to digest my thoughts with accuracy. I have been brutally angry ,critical and judgmental of very living and non living thing that comes within my vision, hear with my ears and that flows through my mind.
I recognized my anger today and I learned I do not like that side of myself and I am going to do everything in my power to change to get back to the caring and understanding girl I once had the honor to breathe and live through.
I do not want to feel HATE its translates into hate for myself. I really had a difficult time writing most of these sentences I did do anything not to think about it like turn into a physical action like itch then lurk facebook for a bit then eventually breathe ..nice and slow.. then start typing theese thoughts that are going to help digest them properly by being present and which will ultimately ....and well ill find a word eventually but for now im off to bed to process more thoughts by dreaming :)
all my love.
